Matt and Lauren Chandler

Even pastors and their wives make mistakes in marriage. Not everyone can be vulnerable enough to admit their mistakes, but Matt and Lauren Chandler want to show you that every Christian couple has their own challenges to overcome—and as you’ll see in the video below, the mistakes they’ve made were rooted in some of their biggest problems as individuals.

In marriage, your spouse is a mirror that reflects your own biggest flaws. The way you treat your spouse each day often reveals what’s really going on inside of you. (click to tweet.)

See what Matt and Lauren have to say about the biggest mistakes they’ve made in marriage:

Learning from past mistakes

Matt saw his wife’s stress, and instead of doing what he could to relieve that stress, he identified her lack of preparation as the source of her own anxiety. Even if it was a conversation that they needed to have, Matt added to Lauren’s frustration by saying, “Your stress is offensive to me,” which wasn’t even close to what he actually meant to say.

In hindsight, after a similar mistake, Matt recognizes what his wife needed from him:

“She was very much baring her heart to me, very much needing me to just speak life and encouragement to her.” But again, that’s not at all what came out.

Matt believes these mistakes are rooted in the differences between he and Lauren. “Lauren’s skill set is different than my skill set,” he says. “We operate differently.” In each of these situations, Matt chose to help his wife by addressing what he saw as the root of the problem.

Lauren, however, was looking for comfort, not correction.

Have you ever tried to help your spouse, but only wound up making things worse?

Lauren’s biggest mistake was completely different than Matt’s. Her desire for provision from her husband gradually became a list of other men who could provide for her if Matt died. While Lauren says this list was not sexual or romantic, she recognized the danger of her mentality. She was creating a “plan B” out of fear.

Now, on the other side of these mistakes, Matt and Lauren can see the damage those mistakes caused, and they can share the lessons they’ve learned through them.

“I would plead for any woman or man that has that seed of a thought,” Lauren says, “That comes just innocently of ‘Okay, if something were to happen, what would be my backup plan?’ Instead, think, ‘If something were to happen, God’s there. He’s there, and he’ll take care of me, and I can trust him. I don’t have to make a plan B in my mind,. I’m grateful for today, and that he has me, and know that he’ll be there tomorrow.”

Continue the conversation

Matt and Lauren are hosting a Faithlife Group to talk about marriage and read Matt’s new marriage book, The Mingling of Souls. February 19–20, they’ll be hosting a marriage conference by the same name, and you can stream the conference right from the group.

Follow the group for free to gain limited-time access to The Mingling of Souls, and get your ticket to stream the conference.