“I’ve had eleven years to put it into words and it’s still challenging.  Here was someone that loved me and wanted to be with me.  My family liked him.  We shared the same friend group.  All the things that went toward building a life together made sense.  But I just knew in my gut that we weren’t for forever, and it was going to get more painful and messy as time went on.  We hadn’t sent out the wedding invitations yet.  But I’d already picked out a dress.  And that’s when I started having doubts.  Every Friday we’d have the same conversation.  The pressure of the week would be behind us, and we’d be staring down the barrel of a weekend, all that time together.  And I’d tell him I wasn’t sure.  Then he’d always say: ‘We’ll work this out, we’ll fix this, please stay.’  And I’d back down.  It was like an elastic band snapping us back together.  I’d tell myself that there’s no such thing as perfect.  And he’ll be a great father.  And that I would manage to find happiness.  I’d logic my way back into it over and over.  But at night, when he came to bed, I’d never completely relax.  I could never ease into normal.  And that’s how I knew.  Because my mind can get in the way.  But my body very rarely lies.”