Punted/Counterpunted: Citrus Bowl 2020
I went out last night and didn't notice until way too late that a punt-counterpunt was in my inbox at 5am. Sorry everybody who didn't get to read these before the game. I assure you they're as relevant after. I feel especially bad because they both correctly predicted the final score.
By Bryan MacKenzie
DEAR READER: Thank you for your message. Your comments are important to me, even if I outwardly express aggravation bordering on contempt at your presence. Unfortunately, I will be away from the blog for the time being. I’m on paternity leave for another couple of weeks, and then I’ll be on-site at the #HotTake distillery overseeing the processing and bottling of this season’s events into the offseason’s stockpile of blather. If you’re curious, this year’s vintage is shaping up to be fantastic, with a complex blend of blowout losses to Ohio State and Wisconsin with blowout wins over Notre Dame and Michigan State creating lovely floral notes and just a HINT of spittle.
If you have questions before I return, you can contact firstname.lastname@example.org, which I assume is monitored regularly. However, if you need immediate assistance, you can contact the following individuals:
· For assistance with pronunciation, contact Ace Anbender
· For assistance with cooking eggs, ask anyone on this blog, then anyone on Twitter, then anyone on Facebook, Instagram, Tinder, TikTok, SnapChat, Tumblr, LinkedIn, NextDoor, or MySpace, and then just open your door and shout questions as loud as you can. Failing that, contact David Nasternak.
· If a large Italian gentleman or a small Irish gentleman show up and inquire whether I left a manila envelope labeled “Rutgers bowl wager” for him, please inform him that I passed away and was cremated in a small private volcanoing.
And while I know what you might be thinking, no, this is not simply an elaborate way to avoid talking about Bama. I would never do such a thing. Michigan 16, Alabama 35
[After THE JUMP: Leave a message at the tone.
By Internet Raj
Thank you for your message, MGoBlog reader. I am currently out of the office and will not be returning until Fall 2020. You might think this is convenient, me leaving and washing my hands free from any accountability after yet another historic loss to Ohio State and before what will surely be a historic loss against Alabama. Well guess what? You are right. Unlike Ty Perine, I’m not getting duffel bags full of cash to Counterpunt, so I’m going to enjoy this New Year holiday with my family. You want holiday content? Go pay $5 per month to The Athletic and listen to a podcast where Chris Vannini spends 90 minutes railing about how the #SnyderCut should be an Oscar contender.
Anyways, if you need immediate assistance during my absence please contact the following individuals as needed:
- If you keep shitting your pants, have no idea what year it is, choke on the biggest stage, and are an absolute traitor please contact email@example.com
- If you need emergency pomade advice, please contact firstname.lastname@example.org
- If you have made any blatant moral indiscretions and want to rehabilitate your reputation and/or delete your text messages, please contact email@example.com
- If you’re interested in starting your own Geocities website but are absolutely torn between setting the default font at 14 point Comic Sans and 16 point Comic Sans, please contact firstname.lastname@example.org
- If you suddenly find yourself completely incoherent and incapable of formulating the most basic argument, please contact email@example.com
- If you killed someone by accident over the holidays and are trying to get away with it, please contact firstname.lastname@example.org
- If you are trying to draw an extremely straight blue line, please contact email@example.com
- If you need assistance on how to pronounce “DeJulius”, please tweet at @Misopogon
- If you are trying to find the best photo pose ever, please contact firstname.lastname@example.org
For all other inquiries, please tweet reaction gifs at @mgoblog on Twitter. He loves them. Otherwise I will respond to your message board comments as soon as possible upon my return. Also we are going to lose. It’s ok. There’s always next year. Michigan 16, Alabama 35
Just saw the post game presser. The only redeemable part was Glasgow’s comments, “But, I mean, my experience at the University of Michigan and Coach Harbaugh‑led teams, my brothers have been on them and I was on them for my entire five years. It's been an honor to be coached by Coach Harbaugh -- by a person who, you know, wants to develop a person's character as well as their football skills. And it's difficult to put into words, but it's just been a pleasure playing for him and for the people that he's brought in.”
JH did his best to cover for Shea’s dismal performance and while I respect JH for not throwing him under the bus, the false praise is simply disingenuous.
And yet who brought Shea in? Who didn't have better QB's ready to go? Who didn't hire a better DC? Who hired the OL coach and the dismal results that came from that?
Sorry, JH is responsible for this loss- not Shea. Shea is just a piece on the board.
Harbaugh worshipers have no sense of decency and will always throw a kid under the bus to protect their god.