Lay Report: Bloody Moscow
It was that time of the year again- time to hit Moscow. I usually only travel with one wing meaning there are only the two of us on a Euro Jaunt at any one time but this jaunt was slightly different with Roy Walker, Mr Rasputin and Mr S also coming along at the same time. The London rat pack invading Moscow.
There was no waiting around as Roy and Mr S got a notch on the first night. I knew the lays would be coming through thick and fast but not that quickly. I hadn’t even had the time to unpack and the pressure was already on to get something myself. This is what you get when you travel with the best gamers you know.
It was Saturday morning and the first full day of the trip as I’m walking through the Arbat underpass. As I walk up the steps I see a cute exotic looking girl sat down. We make eye contact and as I’m walking past she carries on looking at me. A good IOI, I go in.
Excuse me, I know this is random but I think you are very cute. I like your exotic look but it’s hard to work out where you’re from
Oh haha, thanks. My English bad
Menya zavoot Harry Potter (Russian for my name is Harry Potter)
Haha! Where’s mark? (pointing to my head)
I find out Tatiana is half Russian, half Uzbekistani hence her exotic look; she’s been living in Russia for a few years now but was born in Uzbekistan. The set had a good energy but I was having to resort to Google Translate a lot as her English was very bad. Her friend also turned up just as I was number closing her so I wished them a good day and went on my way.
Leading up to the first date with Tatiana, the boys got a few more notches and I still hadn’t got anything. The closest I came was when I basically got a girl to my front door but she backed out and then proceeded to confess the next day that she’s actually married and can’t go through with it. Another date to nowhere. Bloody Moscow.
I met Tatiana in my area for our first date and took her for drinks in a bar close to mine. As soon as she turned up I realised she was only about 5 foot tall as when we had met she was sat down so I couldn’t tell. It was really cute because I like small girls but it did look funny as I walked down the street with her. Tatiana being 5 foot and myself being 6 foot 2 inches. I made sure not to walk past any schools with her as I probably would have got some dodgy looks…
On the date I find out Tatiana is 24 years old and has already been divorced as she married young and had a very traditional life in Uzbekistan. Since her divorce a couple of years ago, she has now moved to Moscow and has a different outlook on life. Tatiana was explaining all of this to me on Google Translate while she quickly drank her beer. A very good sign. Later on in the date I go for the kiss and it was easy as her tongue darts around my mouth. Awesome, I’m thinking the lay must be on with this cute little Uzbek. After a while I invite her back to mine to watch a film but she says it’s too fast and would rather go for a walk. We go for a nice walk enjoying Moscow at night while holding hands and making out now and again.
We ping the next day but as soon as I date request, Tatiana ghosts me. Another flake… ‘Bloody Moscow’, I think to myself. After a couple of hours, I follow up the date request with, “We can go for a walk”. Low and behold as soon as I mention a walking date, Tatiana responds instantly with “OK, and without a film?” I guess I was pulling too fast and had to take the pressure off by setting up the date in another location for a walk. Another day in Moscow, another walking date. Bloody Moscow.
For our second date, Tatiana and myself go for a walk around Red Square taking photos and eating ice cream in the posh shopping mall called GUM. It was a really nice date walking through the Red Square seeing it all lit up at night and taking selfies together, another Euro Jaunt providing me with these cinematic memories. It made me realise that I sometimes take these for granted. I decide to keep this date short and sweet as not to scare her away like I did before. We sat on a bench making out and using Google Translate.
I would like to see London
Yes it’s nice, maybe you could stay with me
Do you mean now at your apartment or in London?
Now that was interesting, I thought we were talking about London but she mentioned coming to my apartment. I invited Tatiana back again but she said ‘not today’. This is good, it looks like this is going somewhere as I can tell she has sex on her mind.
Leading up the the third date, I was really struggling finding any decent leads while the boys were continuing to get notches, I’m really feeling the pressure now. I even went on 2 dates with a stunning French/Algerian girl but even she flaked off before the third date as she knew what I would be expecting. It felt as though everything was going wrong. Finding a Euro Jaunt challenging is one thing but being on a jaunt while everyone else around you is getting results is something else. It requires good mental discipline so you don’t fall into a downward spiral. Bloody Moscow.
I set up the third date with Tatiana, still not being sure if it will end up in a notch until 2 hours before we meet, she sends me this,
Can I talk to you directly?)
I had plans for you tonight. But unfortunately this part of the plan suddenly breaks down( Because of the reason that all woman have it every month.
I guess she means it’s her period. Bloody Moscow, it’s always throwing a spanner in the works. I’ve never had a girl send a message like that to me before but it was good to see as it was obviously on. We meet that night for dinner and a walk anyway as we continue our adventure of (more) walking around Moscow at night, interrupted only by making out.
I set the 4th date up 4 days later hoping her period will have died down. Pretty stressful as I knew I was running out of time on the trip; if her period was still bad there was a chance I would run out of time with her. All this investment wasted.
We meet for dinner and I soon bring her back to mine. Just as I’m taking off her clothes, Tatiana says,
You remember what I told you…
As we start fucking I look down and there is blood everywhere. Fuck, even leaving this for 4 days wasn’t enough. Blood fucking everywhere. I couldn’t enjoy the sex fully as I was looking down seeing how much of the bed sheets we have ruined. So much blood. Bloody Moscow.
The funniest part of the night was before she left as we made a joke earlier how she is so small I could put her on my shoulders. So that’s what we did. I sat this half naked little 5 foot girl on my shoulders and started doing squats in front of the mirror, while Tatiana was shouting “One, two, three, four…” In excitement and clapping her hands. I wish I’d got a video.
In hindsight I would of slept with Tatiana on the third date but due to her period this got delayed for the fourth date. This also means this is the most amount of dates it has taken me to sleep with a girl so far. After the constant frustration of Moscow, something finally came through. Even though it was quite a bloody messy ending.