How To Avoid Getting Into A Toxic Relationship
Most of us learn game to eventually meet our dream girl – the kind of woman we’d be proud to start a family with.
Even if that’s not your goal, chances are some of the women you meet will want you to get into a relationship with them.
This topic never gets talked about, yet it’s one of the most important things to be aware when learning about success with women:
If you get into a relationship with a girl who is insecure, who has a negative mindset, or who has values that conflict with your own, that relationship can drastically alter the quality of your life.
Truth is, a lot of guys get in unhealthy relationships. It’s easy to think that you won’t make that mistake, but when a girl you’ve been sleeping with is practically begging you to be her boyfriend, it’s going to be hard to say no.
The Sad Story of My Close Friend
One friend of mine started dating a stripper he met at a club, and within a few months, they were in a committed relationship. They’ve been together for more than three years.
This is a girl who does drugs, she’s an alcoholic, and since she quit stripping, she has no job. She spends her days sitting on his bed playing video games. When he comes home from work, they watch TV shows together until late at night. He pays for her food and gives her a free place to live – and that’s their life.
Since getting into this relationship, he has withdrawn socially and has become noticeably less ambitious. I’ve met some of his coworkers and they’ve told me my friend is shy and socially awkward. This is shocking to me because when he and I used to go to the clubs together, he was extremely outgoing and charismatic.
Whether or not you want to admit it, the people you surround yourself with will influence your emotions, your behavior, and even your personality.
Scientific research has found that when one of your friends becomes obese, you are 60% more likely to become obese as well.
We spend more time with our significant others than anyone else: the person you end up in a relationship with will have a dramatic influence on you.
Getting into a relationship profoundly important decision that you should think carefully about. If you don’t, you’ll likely end up in a relationship with the first girl that asks you to be her boyfriend – even if she’s a terrible match for you.
You should have an idea of things you want and don’t want in a relationship before getting into one. Know what’s important to you:
- Does she need to have the same religious beliefs as you?
- Does she need to have similar political beliefs?
- Are there certain personality traits you want her to have and others you want to avoid?
- Is it okay if she does drugs or drinks a lot?
- Does she need to be ambitious with her career pursuits, or would you prefer a girl who wants to focus on being a traditional mother?
If you don’t know what you want in a relationship, you will most likely rationalize that the girl you’re dating has the traits you want (even if she doesn’t): you’ll see her through rose-colored goggles.
Of course, you should be somewhat flexible – sometimes the traits you thought you wanted aren’t what you actually resonate with.
However, having a general idea of what you’re looking for will help you make a logical decision, rather than a completely emotional one.
How To Know What You Want
To really know what kind of girl you want to date, there is no substitute for experience. If you end up in a relationship with one of the first women you go on a date with, you won’t really know how good of a match is because you don’t have much context.
It’s often said that sleeping with a lot of women is shallow and meaningless, but you could argue that by having a lot of different sexual experiences, you will get a deeper understanding of what you do want and what you don’t want.
If you’ve hooked up with conservative girls and liberal girls, confident girls and shy girls, intellectual girls and party girls – you’ll know what you like and don’t like about a variety of different personality traits.
For instance, I’ve found that I don’t really like dating many of the women who are ‘perfect 10s’ by society’s standards because in many cases their identity and lifestyle are built around their physical appearance, and they are secretly very insecure. But I wouldn’t have discovered this if I didn’t hook up with women who fit into that archetype.
Of course, I’m not suggesting you have to sleep with many women to find someone you can have a good relationship with.
However, I do think you should at least go on a lot of dates with different women to get an idea of what you resonate with and what you don’t.
I cannot exaggerate how common it is for guys who learn game to end up in a multi-year relationship with a woman they don’t really have a good connection with; simply because they didn’t know what they really wanted.
And years later, these guys would say, “That was a terrible relationship, I don’t know what I was thinking.” This is a surprisingly easy trap to fall into.
It can be helpful to make a rule for yourself so that you avoid getting sucked into a bad relationship.
A simple example is, “I will not get into a relationship until at least one year from now.” Or, “I will not get into a relationship until I’ve gone on dates with at least 30 different women.”
You might be thinking, “What if I meet a girl 3 weeks ago who is a perfect match for me?”
Personally, I think this type of thinking is a result of the soul mate myth: the idea that there is someone out there for us who will make us complete. Realistically, yes, some women will be a much better match for you than others, but it’s not likely that you’re going to find someone who is irreplaceable.
If you can get a girl, you can get other women who are just as attractive, funny, intelligent, etc. as she is. And the thought that you can’t is a type of scarcity thinking that can lead to an unhealthy sense of attachment (I.E. “I need to be with this girl because no one else can make me feel this way”).
Ironically, your belief that a particular girl is perfect for you can in itself make the relationship unhealthy. You’ve become so unwilling to lose her that she’s going to feel trapped, and when a girl feels trapped, she will be more likely to cheat on you, break up with you, or mistreat you.
Game isn’t just about getting laid. If you want to have a long-term relationship, cold approach can help you find a woman who infuses your life with positive energy and passion.
But if you’re not cautious, you can end up in a relationship with a girl for all the wrong reasons, especially if you’re actively looking for a girlfriend.
When getting into a relationship is a goal it becomes easy to convince yourself that a girl who is terrible for you is actually a great match, because doing so allows you to reach your goal and now you no longer have to do this whole pickup thing.
If you’re lucky, you may never fall into this trap or be tempted to get in a relationship with the wrong woman. Just be aware that this is something that happens to a lot of guys who learn about game.
If you do ultimately get married or start a family, the quality of that relationship will completely alter the course of your life.
The difference between starting family with someone who is insecure, negative, closed-minded, selfish, and someone who is confident, positive, open-minded, and generous is profound. Every single day of your life will be different depending on the woman you’re with, so don’t take the decision to get into a relationship lightly.
Are you serious about getting your dating life handled?
Are you ready to start taking actions that will get you real, measurable results?
Then check out my complete online program, The Five Pillars of Success With Women.
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