Do opposites attract?

Photo by mehul dave on Unsplash

It’s not that I believe opposites attract; it’s just that I think two people who are too similar are flammable. I can write the witness statements. I was there. I was there for the guy who I thought matched me in my dance skills and love for partying. He continued partying and dancing with other girls when I wasn’t around. Then there was the lover who I thought matched my love for travel; he also matched my commitment phobia and started pulling away as soon as I started leaning in.

Then I tried a different tack. Let’s not match interests, I said to myself, let’s match personalities. That led me to a guy who matched my sense of humour; our witty repertoire was better than sex. Well really, it was, because he couldn’t get it up and we couldn’t laugh about it. Then there was the one; no really, I was convinced he was THE one. Because our roots matched; our parents had immigrated from the same country, we spoke the same native language, and loved the music from that part of the world. We had the same cultural anchors. This WAS THE ONE. Except when he told me I needed to stop traveling and needed to be home before he was. Crap, back to square one. I need someone who loves to travel as much as I do. And knows not to tell me what to do.

So, what now? Matchmaking; it’s a match! What do they even mean when they say that? Matched how? Not in interests, personalities, or backgrounds, because in my experience none of it works. Opposites. How do you look for the opposite of what you are? For someone with whom you have nothing in common? It’s counterintuitive; we like to relate to people. Liking and thinking similar things leads to less friction, less confrontation, less rationalizing. “We just get each other,” friends have said before referring to their partners. That type of intuitive exchange requires an amalgam of interests, world views, and desires, no?

So I tried on the guy who was the homebody to my outgoing. The one who didn’t own a passport, then the artist to my corporate job, and the high school dropout to my master’s degree. Fuck, they didn’t fit either. And now I am left wondering who I even am; because it turns out that finding someone similar or opposite to you requires you to intimately know who you are. And who I am, after all these trials and twists is a lot more resilient, if jaded at the edges.


Do opposites attract? was originally published in Be Yourself on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Source: life tips

Do opposites attract?