EP 276: Sharing a Secret and Letting Go with Scott
This call is about healing shame by sharing your truth with the people you love. Today’s caller, Scott, is concerned about how his parents will react when he shares a childhood secret with them. He is asking for guidance on how to approach the subject without upsetting them. If you relate to holding in a secret, or things you do not want to say or do not know how to bring forward you will find this conversation helpful.
Revealing secrets is difficult for many of us. Sometimes it is easier to keep things brushed under the rug when we do not want to deal with a particular conversation.
But, secrets can be toxic and carry shame. Do I believe that we should tell the people we love everything? I don’t know. Not always. But, when it is something we allow to perpetuate a pattern that protects others, especially our parents, above speaking our truth, often the truth will prevail. When we speak our truth we must do it with love.
Protecting our children is one thing, but protecting our parents is a different conversation. If we are trying to protect our parents, we are taking on the parental role. I’m not saying that we should not consider their emotions. However, if we have a pattern of being the parent, and worrying about our parents while sacrificing our truth and our vulnerability, it is different.
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- Do you have a secret from a family member or friend and you want to share it but you are afraid of upsetting them so you keep it inside?
- Did you grow up feeling alone?
- Were you the person who had to protect family members or parent your parents?
- Are you ready to break patterns that don’t serve you anymore?
Scott is looking for guidance about sharing a secret with his family he has had since childhood but does not want to upset them.
Scott’s Key Insights and Ahas:
- He fears the shame and blame associated with sharing his secret.
- His story will soon be widely shared.
- He wants to protect his family.
- He is speaking with a professional therapist.
- He feels it is an important part of his story.
- He felt he had to be brave for his family.
- He stays away from his family and feels alone.
- He felt he had to parent his parents.
- He finally feels seen.
- He does not want to hide any longer.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
- Be aware he can not control someone else’s feelings.
- Deliver his secret from a loving place.
- Tell his parents about his loneliness.
- Be authentic, loving, and vulnerable when he speaks with his parents.
- Where are you not being authentic? Where are you not being vulnerable? Where are you not speaking your truth because you are too afraid of someone else’s reaction?
- In what ways were you not able to be a child in your relationship with your parents?
- How can you take your rightful place, as a child, within your family?
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When we play the role of over-responsibility in our family, it can lead to resentment.
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Be authentic, loving, and vulnerable when you share your truth with someone.
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Did you grow up protecting family members or parenting your parents?
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