The Firings Continue Like Clockwork
Update: Bryan confirmed he is unemployed, contrary to FMCP’s lie that Bryan is “moving into a new venture“.
Just enjoying my "Fun-employment" by road tripping to the Pacific Northwest
— Bryan Burnett (@Cranky_Hippo) August 29, 2017
It should now be obvious to anyone that TWiT is in an irreversible death spiral after recently suffering its third consecutive month of staff firings.
In early June, TWiT bid adieu to Tony Wang, Kara Kohl and Frédérique Louis, three employees whose hard work and loyalty was reciprocated by getting fired. Then, in July, Nathan Olivarez-Giles was told adios muchacho, given a bus ticket and escorted off the property.
Last week, TWiT staff assembled for an #insidetwit “production meeting”, a name which must be an inside joke at this point because everyone who works there knows that TWiT podcasts have no production value whatsoever.
TotalDrama’s attempts to infiltrate this meeting failed after we got lost and ended up at Lagunitas. However, we think the meeting must have gone down like an episode of The Apprentice in which everyone had to make a statement about why they should not be fired.
When the smoke finally cleared, TWiT said goodbye to the devilishly debonair Bryan Burnett, the gfycat goddess Carly Perkins and the completely abominable Tonya Hall (fired a second time because the first time it didn’t stick?). We wish them all good luck and hope they land on their feet soon.
As expected, Leo & Lisa Laporte celebrated all the money they just saved by booking another vacation, this time to Disneyland, the happiest place on Earth where dreams come true™,unless of course you were just fired from TWiT and can no longer make rent. To show there were no hard feelings the following postcard was mailed out, with postage due on delivery:
Thank you to the anonymous chatter in our chat room for giving us the initial tip for this story. If you were fired from TWiT and wish to speak out against these motherfucking monsters, we encourage you to leave an anonymous comment below or submit a tip.