I am in awe of your kindness and thoughtfulness
what an abundance I have to lean on.
I feel guilty for not responding to each of you personally!
My mother said the same thing the other day. She has received many cards, letters, flowers,
food, visit, and acts of kindness... she is overwhelmed by the love and support.
On the phone, my mom said, "How am I ever going to be able to write everyone?
I have been keeping a list but it is becoming longer and longer
and I haven't even started to respond!"
I have felt that weight too of wanting to respond to each of you and yet not being able to...
it is as if each acknowledgment, each thank you reminds me of the reality so very present.
That is not to say we are ungrateful,
because the love shown in so many ways helps us carry our sadness.
We are grateful.
But the energy it
takes to respond isn't there. It will be, but it isn't now.
I talked about this to my mom. Saying, everyone understands.
Nobody expects anything from you.
We all know it is harder to receive than to give.
Grief takes energy and swallows up our everyday thoughts
and rarely gives a space to be or do as we would usually.
When I lived in the monastery (19 to 22 years of age) I was fortunate that it was a retreat house
on depth psychology, spiritual direction, seeing fairytales, myth, and scripture intertwined and yet separate.
Amazing people came to visit and share their experiences I was a sponge happily soaking
in such new ideas, wisdom, and the freedom to question.
Elizabeth Kubler-Ross's books had a tremendous impact on me.
Grief takes time and while it does it heals.
I often say to others who are grieving,
"Be gentle with yourself. No feeling is a bad feeling. Allow yourself time to sit still, weep and be."
Thank you for every ounce of love and goodness you have shared with me!
Every poem, tear, candle, thought, prayer, quote, card, comment...
I am grateful.