Once in the 80’s, I sat furtively in the library reading Jan Morris’s biography Conundrum afraid to take it out for fear that “they” might know. In the back of that book, I remember finding a folded note; on it were four words “You are not alone.” A wave of emotions rolled over me. Someone else shared my problem and understood.
Then came the Internet and a community of like-minded persons who educated, supported and comforted each other.
Daily I read Femulate and other transgender sites. I am always eager to learn more about the transgender experience.
So then came Caitlyn Jenner. If she had rolled onto the headlines in the 1980’s, I would have bought her book and read it secretly in the parking lot at work. However, there was the Vanity Fair cover, her book and her television show and I stood there like a scared middle schooler at her first dance frozen.
Caitlyn Jenner is a controversial figure in our community, however, that wasn’t what was keeping me from picking up her book.
I was baffled myself.
I’ve now read her book and now I know why.
Every time I saw her picture and every time I heard a joke or transphobic comment, it judged and criticized me. She was the same age and had lived through the same struggle; she could have been the one who wrote that note. So when people mocked or insulted her they insulted and mocked me.
Reading her book was like a reading about myself, sisters’ clothes, over-compensating, denial, hidden makeup and clothes, sneaking out dressed, etc.
I hope to get some time after the holidays to review her book and share my thoughts with my sisters here at Femulate.
There’s a lot to think about.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
|Wearing Bebe (Source: Bebe)|
|Finalists in the Queen of Dhwayah transgender beauty contest in Kochi, India.|